Gods of Egypt is an Egypt-sized Disaster

Gods of Egypt is an Egypt-sized Disaster

Have you ever willingly watched a movie that you knew was going to be terrible? I do this quite frequently, to be honest, and this occurrence is no different. I was never impressed by the trailers because of how bloated with CGI it looked, but I still went into the theaters to watch Gods of Egypt… for some reason. I tried to be optimistic by thinking to myself, “Who knows? This movie could actually be kind of good!” Nope. Not at all.

Gods of Egypt is a film that’s loosely based on Egyptian mythology. Horus, played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, is about to take place of his father as the king of Egypt. Just as he’s about to get the crown, Set, played by Gerard Butler, swoops in, kills Horus’s father (who’s also Set’s brother), steals Horus’s eyes, and steals the crown. To regain leadership of the kingdom, as well as get his eyes back, Horus partners up with mortal man Bek, played by Brenton Thwaites, to save the day.

Before I start completely obliterating this piece of filth, I would like to list off some of the positives I found in this movie:

  1. The sets are kind of cool looking.
  2. The CGI has some impressive moments sometimes.
  3. The acting is passible.
  4. The two female leads are very attractive.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s have some fun!

The script for this movie is horrendous. Every conversation between characters felt disjointed and awkward with painfully awful line delivery. Nothing these characters say conveys any real emotion and the way they interact with each other with these lines feel very wooden. It’s poorly written and poorly delivered and it permeates the entire runtime of the film.

The plot is also really bad too. The actual concept isn’t bad, but there’s a huge difference between “concept” and “execution,” and the plot was not executed well. There were multiple cliches that burst through the screen that bogged the movie down. The pacing was incredibly shoddy, containing so many uninteresting parts happening back to back, that the movie got really slow really quickly. There was no excitement, no tensity, and no interesting parts to engage the viewer. It was all just boring, overlong, poorly written garbage.

I mentioned earlier that the CGI is not bad. In fact, there are some scenes where it’s very impressive. However, there is way too much CGI. Every single frame contains some form of computer generated effects and it’s annoying. The movie feels very bloated because of this.

And not all of the CGI was good, some of it was blatantly obvious in how fake it looked. There isn’t a shot in this film that feels real or natural. It’s all obviously been processed in front of a green screen and it’s very sad.

The worst parts of this movie are the action scenes. They are shot absolutely horrendously with weird cinematography, choppy editing that makes it look like each scene is missing a frame of film, and random bursts of slow motion that feel very out of place. Combine this with the overabundance of inconsistent CGI, and this movie becomes a pain to watch.

Nothing worked in this movie. From the poor script to the watered down plot to the massive overuse of CGI to the awkward dialogue and humor to the absolutely horrid action scenes, this movie is a disaster. If you’re an sucker for guilty pleasure films, then maybe you’d enjoy this one. However, for everyone else, stay away from this “thing” as far as possible. Gods of Egypt is a joke from start to finish and is not worth its two hour runtime.

1Star