The Marvel Movies Unmasked

Josh Thornton's Marvel collection

Josh Thornton's Marvel collection

What’s up Bixby High! No, I’m not still here as a super-senior, I just happen to be the college freshman brother of Emily Thornton, who happens to be your newspaper’s majestic editor. Emily asked me to write about and explain how all of the Marvel Superhero movies are going to tie together and what the after-credit scenes mean, because I’m obsessed with comics and therefore have a vast, incomparable, incomprehensible, prophet-level knowledge on the subject. I’m also very humble about it.

Let’s start from the first movie in the series that was released, Iron Man. His origin story is told to us, along with the first hinting of an Avengers movie at the end of the credits. Nick Fury approaches Tony Stark (That’s Iron Man, you uneducated swine) and tells him S.H.I.E.L.D. needs him. S.H.I.E.L.D. originally stood for “Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage, Law-Enforcement Division” but was changed to “Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division” in 1991, which is what you hear Phil Coulson call it during the movie.

Next we had The Incredible Hulk, which was horrible and should not be spoken of. It told us Bruce Banner’s origin story, but didn’t do much else for us. They didn’t even use the same actor for him in the Avengers. This movie was not made for the Avengers series of movies, so we will disregard it from now on.

On to Iron Man 2, which is not known for being a good film, but was essential to Tony’s character development. It is true that he had a drinking problem in the comics, but this movie took it too far. Anyway, back to the crap you guys care about. War Machine and Black Widow were both introduced, and Tony figured out how to keep his suit self-sustaining whilst not killing him! Woo! As for the after-credit scene, Thor’s hammer is shown in a crater, simply telling us a Thor movie would be coming out, which also hinted at the Avengers, implying that Iron Man and Thor would be teaming up.

Now we have Thor up to bat. This, along with Thor: The Dark World, are vital to the story line that all the movies are leading up to. In the first one, the Teseract is introduced, which is the power source that Loki (Yes I know Tom Hiddleston is cute, everybody stop talking about it) uses to control the Chitauri (white aliens) that invade New York in The Avengers. The Teseract is also one of the seven “Infinity Gems”, seven extremely powerful artifacts spread throughout the universe. We’ll get back to that. The after-credit scene of Thor simply shows us that Loki is still alive after falling off the Rainbow Bridge. He is indeed the god of mischief, so I’m sure it would not have been hard for him to fake his death. By the way, Hawkeye made a short appearance in this movie. Pay attention next time you watch it.

“You got a suit? Then suit up!” Next we have Captain America: The First Avenger. We see how this ultimate soldier was created, frozen, and revived in our time, 70 years later, to lead the Avengers into battle. His after-credit scene shows Commander Fury enlisting Captain America into the Avengers, annnnd that’s all. Moving on.

Marvel’s The Avengers! I’m not going to go into too much detail on this one, since most of the population has seen is six times, but I’m sure you’re all wondering who the poop the big guy with the creepy smile is after the credits (Not the eating schwarma scene, the creepy space people scene). That guy’s name is Thanos, and he’s a big baddie in the Marvel comics universe. So bad in fact, that he once killed half of the universe. His deal is that he wants to kill every living thing ever, ever, ever. Why? Because he loves Death. Literally, he has a crush on Death. In Marvel comics, Death is embodied as a woman, not a man, and Thanos thinks that if he can give her all the death in the universe then she will love him. Oh, he’s also bummed because his planet cast him out for being a deformed purple freak. His means of attempting to kill everybody are by using the Infinity Gauntlet, a mystical battle glove that has a slot for each of the Infinity Gems, which, when all seven are placed, makes the wearer omnipotent (that means all-powerful, like Jesus and Ron Swanson). So there’s Phase 1. On to Phase 2!

Iron Man 3’s main purpose was character development. Tony turned from a selfish rich guy into a selfless rich guy. Good for him! He also blew up all his suits, soooo it’s going to be weird in the Avengers 2 when he’s running around throwing rocks like “I got ‘em, I got ‘em!” trying to help out. This movie did not have a significant after-credit scene, just the Hulk counseling Tony. “I’m not that kind of doctor.”

Thor: The Dark World. Loki is a good guy now! Until the very end, when it turns out he faked his death AGAIN and is now posing as the king of Asgard. We’ll see what happens with that later I suppose. The substance that took over Jane Foster’s (Thor’s girlfriend) body is called the Aether, which when condensed becomes the second Infinity Gem. After the credits, we see Thor’s friends giving it to the Collector, a creepy guy that collects strange objects. I assume Thanos is just going to take it from him. “Hey, can I borrow that?” “No.” “Well too freaking bad.”

Now we come to the movies that have yet to come out. Captain America: The Winter Soldier is up next, with Cap working as an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Black Widow is teamed up with him, so we’re sure to see some awesome action sequences. As for the Winter Soldier, I will not tell you his identity because that would be a major spoiler, but yes I do know. Hint: You’ve seen him before.

Next will be Guardians of the Galaxy, which looks hilarious. The team is basically a group of outcasts that decided they would “guard the galaxy”, as it were. It’s most likely that several Infinity Gems will be introduced in this film, since the team flies all over the galaxy looking for trouble. They will also most likely join the Avengers in the Avengers 2. “I am Groot!” If you don’t get that reference, just keep reading.

After that, we will finally have The Avengers 2: Age of Ultron. Ultron is a robot originally built by Ant-man in the comics but is being built by Iron Man in the movies. He is probably going to be a suit-gone-wrong or just a robot meant to be controlled by JARVIS, but either way it will gain intelligence, learn how to upgrade itself, and try to take over the world. Everyone just wants to take over the world. Why don’t they start with something small, like a flower shop? “Don’t do it, we’ll kill you with our pansies!” “You’re a pansy.”

Next up will be Ant-man, who is awesome. It seems like not a lot of people know about him, so I’ll briefly explain his power-set. He is a genius inventor that figured out how to shrink himself, grow himself, and increase his strength with the flip of a switch on his suit. He has the proportionate strength of an ant, able to lift about 200 times his own weight, even at ant size. (He can lift 200 times a human’s weight when he’s small, so if he picks up 3 cars at normal size, he can still do it at ant size).

A Doctor Strange movie is scheduled to come out sometime after Ant-man. Doctor Strange is basically a surgeon that was given wizard powers by the great wizard of the universe. Cheesy, I know, but an awesome character nonetheless. He uses magic to fly, turn invisible, use telekinesis, all kinds of things.

A new series of Fantastic 4 movies is scheduled to start in 2015, which is rumored to tie into the new X-men movie coming out this May. The entire X-men series is owned by 20th Century Fox and has nothing to do with the Avengers movies. Also, The Amazing Spider-man series is owned by Sony and has nothing to do with the Avengers movies. HOWEVER. The character Quicksilver, Magneto’s son, has been announced as an added member to the Avengers for the 2nd movie AND as an added teammate to the X-men in this upcoming movie, so Fox might agree to work with Marvel after all. (Wolverine is indeed a member of the Avengers in the comics, along with Beast and Storm). As for Spidey, the most famous Marvel character there is and my personal favorite…I have no idea. Sony hasn’t said a word about it, and Marvel isn’t talking either.

In the Infinity Gauntlet comic series, it takes every superhero there is to bring down Thanos, and it would excite millions of fans to see the X-men, Avengers, Spider-man, Fantastic 4, Silver Surfer, Doctor Strange, Punisher, Daredevil, and even Venom, Loki, and Magneto all teamed up in one epic quest to save the world. “Coming mom, let me finish my comic story! I will be there to fold my special socks in a minute, okay?!?” Well, I hope this was enjoyable and informative for all of you that bothered to read all the way to the end. Thanks for reading, and in the famous words of Stan Lee:

‘Nuff said!